Visiting Sydney huh?

One thing that I've learned in my short time here is that folks pretty quickly pick out that I'm not exactly from these parts.  Either they think that (1) I'm just here for a visit or (2) are expecting me to leave pretty soon.  They give me that look like they're letting me in on the secret that there aren't that many Black people here.  DUH!  I've been able to discern this over the course of numerous interactions with the locals.  These interactions, while always friendly, tend to come with that undeniable hint of "you must be lost" in the questioner's voice.  Most conversations start with "Where are you from?"  I tell them 'Wahroonga' and just just act as if all the Black people in Oz are from there. (Wahroonga is a leafy suburb with tons of old money and houses with names like 'Culingral' - we rent there now and I've yet to see another Black person mowing their lawn or having a jog in the neighborhood.)  So as any good American would do, I try to take full advantage of the misperception that I'm just a guest in my newly adopted homeland. (see Mands - I told you I could say it) Below are few things I like to do it give myself a bit of a laugh...

C.O.L.A. Adjustment - The Costs of Living in Sydney

Image via Wikipedia

According to UBS's ranking system Sydney fell from the 17th most expensive city in the world to live in 2008 down to # 38.  Now I don't know a whole lot about their ranking methodology but I'm going to have to call BULLSHIT on that.  Let me break down for you MY methodology for making this assessment.  Listen up you statesiders considering a move to the wonderful land down under!  First, in absolute terms, you will make about the same amount here that you make doing your current job in the States.  So, if you're getting underpaid at a crappy job making $60k/year in US dollars then you're going to be underpaid at the same crappy job here making the same $60k/year in Aussie dollars.  This is important b/c you will quickly learn that EVERYTHING that you buy costs more than what you bought it for in the states.  Allow me share a few indicative examples:

Chap Stick (yes, I have big lips so this is an important item for me)
US Cost - $1.89
Aussie Cost - $4.80

Case of Corona
US Cost - $23-$30
Aussie Cost - $58-$70 (a 6-pack will cost you $20...no lime included)

Organics Veggies (come on - we lived in LA where everything but the smog was organic)
US Cost - Super Cheap thanks to weekly farmers markets
Aussie Cost - Don't even think about thinking about it unless you see Whole Foods as "cheap eats"

Gasoline (we are so spoiled in the States)
US Cost - $3.09/gallon
Aussie Cost - $1.28/litter (Don't worry, I'll do the math for you...that's $4.83/gallon!)

Cheap Chinese Dinner for 4 (2 kids, 2 adults)
US Cost - $30-$35 (depending on how fancy Mands gets)
Aussie Cost $50-$60

So as you can guess, since arriving we've ceased all driving activities, eat only pesticide laced foods, avoid all restauants that don't have a big, yellow "M" in the logo and my lips are chapped as hell.  It's like Chinese water torture and the costs seem to sneak up on you.  My electric bill went from $180 for 3 months to $500 over the winter and I'm still waiting on the frostbite on my pinky toe to thaw out.  So, what are a couple of ballers like me and the lady Mands to do to maintain the lifestyles we've become accustomed to?

We take it back old school baby - dinner parties!!  We're like English royalty up in this piece hosting dinners in front of the fireplace (keeps the heating costs down and everyone stands there anyway b/c the rest of the house is so damn cold) and sipping on high end wines that the guests contribute.  We've become the poor man's international recessionista.  But I digress...

There is an upside to the high costs of living here in Sydney.  First, I don't see any needles on the ground, curse out my neighbors at 2am for playing loud music, or feel bad about not giving the guy who lives in his car any french fries everytime I walk by.  Mands says that's a good thing.  Second,  Taeus and Cypress are developing these wicked Aussies accents that'll make them all the rage when they go back to the States.  And third, the police don't look at me suspiciously all the time (which I kinda miss).  To top that off, I just found out Costco is on the way to save us from the tyranny of the 2 major grocers!

Still would love to have you for a visit  but don't come without bringing me 15 cases of Blistex!

Thanks for reading.  Leave a comment if you dare.  Black2Oz out.

Aussie Stereotypes - The Real Truth

Image by Roberto Rizzato ►pix jockey◄ Facebook resident via Flickr

Because Australia seems so far away from the center of the universe that most Americans live in, I can understand why so many rumours and stereotypes have arisen about this wonderful place that have absolutely no basis in reality...wait - strike that...that have a very limited basis in any kind of reality.  Throw in the mix a bit of clever marketing and a really good movie character (Croc Dundee baby!) and it's impossible to know what's real and what's been sold as real to us gullible Americans.  So as a service to those of you considering making the move to Oz or even those of you who've promised to visit me here with no actual intention of doing so (you lie Obama!), I've attemped to sort out myth from reality, fact from fiction and lies from the truth about some of the top misconceptions about Oz.

(1) Outback Steakhouse, with it's delectable Bloomin' Onions, has no actual ties to Australia (sorry Mom).  I've yet to see a Bloomin Onion on the menu since I've been here.

(2) No one...I repeat, NO ONE in Oz drinks Fosters beer.  Only deluded beer drinkers  in the States who think they're getting a "real taste of Australia" drink that piss water.  Aussies much prefer local brews that can be found in every bar like Corona, Stella Artois and beers from "across the Tassie" like Boags.  (For the uninitiated the "Tassie" is the Tasmanian Strait and somewhere on the other side of it they apparently make beer - at least according to the commericial I saw.)

(3) Fact - Aussies do like their shrimp on the barbie!!  Of course they like their "steak on the barbie", "hamburgers on the barbie" and "sausages on the barbie" just as much.  This embellishment comes down to a bit of marketing genius served up by my man Mick Dundee back in the '80s.  A bit of an update on Mick for you guys.  Mick has given up the outback life and now lives here in the big city running a park called Dundeeland (kind of like Dollywood) for underpriviledged private school kids in Sydney. (wink wink) Here's a link to one of the classic Aussie Tourism spots featuring Mick. Throw an Extra Shrimp on the Barbie

(4) Australia is a country people.  It is HUGE.  Just because you know someone here doesn't mean I can just pop down to Adelaide or jump over to Melbourne and grab a coffee with them.  That's like me telling you to meet up with my friend in Alaska b/c "I think you guys would just really get along".  There's 4 million people in Sydney - let's keep it local hey?

(5) Fact - the toilet bowl does flush in the opposite direction in the Southern Hemisphere from the the Northern Hemisphere.  It has to do with the gravitational field and how it affects the water that causes this phenomena.  We see the same effect with Cyclones.  Ok, not really but you believed me for a second! (although cyclones do spin the opposite direction)

(6) Fact - there are sharks in the waters off the coast of Oz and every so often they nip a surfer.  Unfortunately you're more likely to end up in the hospital from one of the 8 zillion poisonous spiders, lizards and snakes that live in your backyard, window sills, and car visor than you are to get eaten by a shark.  The up side is I've yet to see, hear or read a story about a Black surfer being attacked by a shark.  Actually, if I think about it, that may be because I've yet to see a Black surfer...hmmm, coincidence?

(7) Finally, the creme de la creme of Aussie rumours (at least amongst a vocal and highly curious subset of my readers).  This rumour is perpetrated by a small subset of brothas who have travelled to Oz or been recruited site unseen to play pro basketball here. Do Aussie women really love brothas from the States?  After a fair amount of scientific research the answer is - ABSOLUTELY YES!!!  Just ask my wife. (note: results of this study are based wholly on a sample size of 1)

Black2Oz - out.

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Same Same But Different

Image by jaqian via Flickr

As one prepares to move half way around the world the questions that inevitably come up always seem to start with "Well what about all the things you're going to miss??" (mostly from your friends who've never left your hometown) and "What about all the things you're going to see & do??" (typically from the friends looking for a vacation from their own dreadful existences).  Well moving to Oz ain't exactly like moving to Timbuktu - everyone still speaks English (sorta), drivers license pictures still look horrible and little Asian guys still ask me if I play basketball (and the answer is still - what makes you ask that?).  For a Black man from the states it's a bit of a bizarro world b/c it's like being dropped in a small midwest town - everyone speaks with a funny accent, there are hardly any Black people but everybody seems happy to see you.  I'm sure there's a plot afoot that I haven't figured out yet so I'm playing along for now. So here are a few tidbits on what you can expect when you get to Oz.

(1) Aussies have grown up with only 5 TV channels.  Less than a 3rd of the population has cable.  Personally I think having only 5 channels should be deemed cruel and unusual punishment and outlawed in the constitution and I've written Prime Minister what's his face to say as much. Just b/c they don't know what they're missing doesn't mean you won't.  Cable ain't cheap but it's a must have so just lock it in and don't ask too many questions.

(2) You will get a speeding ticket - maybe multiple tickets.  Lead footed Americans are not able to adjust to the small increments of KPH vs. MPH and with cameras at seemingly every light you can't play the dumb American to get out of it with the PoPo.  The trick is to keep your US license for as long as possible so that your points go against it and then  don't transfer when you finally get an Aussie license :-)

(3) 4 weeks vacation!  Now that's a difference that's not only nice, it's a necessity when you're this far away from everything.  The Aussies use it to travel around the parts of country where no one in their right mind would want to live, the Poms use it to head back to the UK and remind themselves why they left, and the Americans are still confused and think we're getting away with something.

So, as you can see...same, same but different.  There's lots more to comment on as well.  I'm just getting started.  As always if there's something you're specifically interested in just say the word.  I've probably got an opinion on it.  I'm out.